How to Heal the Anxious Preoccupied Attachment Style

by Life is Love School

• Do you feel insecure in relationships?
• Have you acted out because of your overwhelming insecurity?
• Are you worried that your protest behavior (acting clinging, jealous, upset) is pushing your partner away?

If you answer YES to these questions, you may have a predominantly Anxious Attachment style.

Our attachment styles are formed in childhood, and a person with the Anxious Attachment style likely had unpredictable, emotionally immature, or unstable parents that only provided inconsistent care. This lack of stability leaves the child not knowing what to expect, and to gain a sense of control, the child becomes highly attuned to the parent’s mood, and many develop into people-pleaser adults with an Anxious Attachment style.

For those of us that are Anxiously Attached, we both crave relationships but we also suffer a lot in them. Relationships, especially an intimate relationship with a romantic partner, bring out our childhood wounds and limiting beliefs of not being worthy of love. We watch our partner’s words and actions closely for any signs that they may be pulling away, and we act out and do things we may later regret that drive people away. It’s a vicious cycle, but there is a way to break it.