Quick Guide to Changing Limiting Beliefs

“Change The Way You Look At Things And The Things You Look At Change.”

- Wayne Dyer

One of the most important lessons I learned in life is to examine what we believe to be true periodically. We often form lifelong beliefs about the world in our childhood, based on our interpretation of events and the best way to handle them. Some of these beliefs were taught to us by adults that we trust, such as our parents and teachers.

Because we were young, vulnerable, and impressionable then, beliefs formed during childhood have an especially strong hold on us. They tend to stay with us unless we choose to question them. Some of these beliefs may have been helpful at one point in our lives, but now no longer serve us. Such beliefs are called limiting beliefs — they limit our happiness and our potential in life.

In life, that which we believe to be true, we tend to then perceive and experience as being true. Some call this “Law of Attraction,” giving it a mystical flare. The way I see it, there’s nothing mystical about the Law of Attraction. It’s just a fancier way of describing the same phenomenon as Confirmation Bias. Our brains are wired to look for evidence supporting what we already believe.

As long as a belief remains unchallenged, it shapes our perceptions of the world and how we react to situations in life, which in turn, tends to bring what we believe to be true to us.

In my case, because my parents were not responsive to my emotional needs, I learned not to communicate my feelings. In fact, I would often work hard to hide how I feel from them, so they can’t get any satisfaction from deliberately hurting me.

In my child’s mind, I told myself that people that make me feel bad are not interested in my wellbeing, and the best thing to do is to shut them out and write them off.

In many ways, this style of coping with my parents served me well — Had I been open and vulnerable with them, I would open myself to more harm.

Once I left my parents’ house, however, this way of dealing with people is no longer adaptive. My tendency to not communicate my feelings did not give people a chance to share their perspectives with me. Sometimes, when I think people are being unkind, it was a simple misunderstanding, and a conversation would have saved everyone from a lot of grief.

But because I defaulted to stonewalling people when I felt hurt, they, people had no choice but to back off and leave me alone. Their backing off then confirmed my belief that people don’t care, and on and on it goes.

The problem with long-held beliefs is we tend not to question them. Since this particular way of coping worked well for me for so many years, and protected me against my parents, I held onto it for dear life.

I was completely unaware of the fact that there could be a different way of dealing with disappointments than stonewalling. It was not until I lost a significant relationship that I reexamined this belief and found the impetus to change.

I devoured self-help books to learn how to communicate better, and a little bit at a time, took a chance on people by sharing how I felt. It was not easy, and it took a lot of courage on my part to trust that it is ok to be vulnerable.

To my amazement, people reciprocated by being willing to share themselves. I learned that sometimes when I attribute malintent to someone, it was a misread on my part. By clearing up misunderstandings, it helped dispel the fear talk in my mind that people are out to hurt me, and recalibrate my brain to know that I live in a safe place now.

The positive reinforcement gave me the confidence to keep trying, and a new belief that it is safe and effective to share how I feel was formed.

If there is an area in your life where you encounter a lot of frustration, this is a sign that there could be limiting belief at play and a chance for you to dig deeper.

Lesson

1. Often, our beliefs are formed by how we interpret events in life or are passed down to us by people we trust and respect.
2. Our beliefs shape how we see the world around us. It’s a mental short cut that helps us make sense of the massive amounts of stimuli that comes our way daily. However, some of these short cuts may no longer be serving us today.
3. To locate limiting beliefs, see if there are areas of your life where you are easily triggered or have encountered more strife. This could be a signal for you to take a closer look to see if there could be limiting beliefs at play. Once we bring limiting beliefs to light, we then have the option to consciously choose whether we want to continue to live with this belief or try a different approach.

Homework

1. Think back to your childhood — Are there events that were significant (carry a high emotional load), and what did you take away from these experiences? Often, our beliefs are formed by how we interpret critical events in our life.
2. Take one of these beliefs. Am I absolutely sure it is true? Is there evidence against it? How does it affect how I feel and how I interact with the world when I believe it?
3. How would my life be different if I held the opposite belief? Is there evidence to support this opposite way of seeing things?
4. Be willing to try a new belief for size and see how it works for you — you might discover something delightful that you never thought about.

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Originally published at https://www.lifeisloveschool.com/.