Stonewalling And Abuse

It is not just shutting you down but putting you down

Stonewalling is a common reason relationships dissolve. It comes in two variants — Aggressive vs. Defensive Walls.

Per Dr. Stven Stosny:

In aggressive stonewalling, the stonewaller knows that the silence, cold shoulder, and emotional isolation hurt his partner. He stonewalls to gain leverage or power. This is a common tactic in battering relationships, in which the more powerful partner systematically controls or dominates the less powerful one.

In defensive stonewalling, conflict seems overwhelming to the stonewallers. It seems that their only choice is to shut it out (stonewall) or crush it with aggression. So shutting it out seems the better of the two.

People that stonewall often lacks emotional regulation and communication skills. It is fixable, but it does require the courage to own the issue and the willingness to work on getting better.

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With love,

Yumay Chang | Founder of Life Is Love School. We teach childhood trauma survivors how to heal and live an abundant life.