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What Nice Girls Need To Know To Find True Love
Being a nice girl isn’t going to get you there
What makes us lovable?
Over the years, as I started to read more, learn from interactions with people and self-reflect, I realized that love, whether that is the love of self or another, is not earned but given. We can be ourselves, flaws, warts and all, and still be lovable. When I think about my favorite people and why I love them, it has absolutely nothing to do with how good they looked, what schools they went to, or their jobs. What made me love them was who they are — their warmth, compassion, sense of humor, and little quirks that make them unique.
Nothing they can do would tip the balance one way or the other.
As I continue to examine lovability, I also thought of those who loved me the most — My maternal grandmother, my kindergarten teacher Mrs. Weisent, and my dearest friends. I realized that none of these people loved me for my accomplishments or what I could do for them. They were there for me when I was at my littlest, weakest, neediest, and saddest, precisely when I had very little to offer in return.
Over time, I came to realize that my therapist was right. As I loved myself more (see my self-love practices), the constant gnawing inner voice that says I am not good enough started to…
